


falling

by m1ngis



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, dont cry pls, jisung is a vent character im so sorry, minho tries to help jisung, minsung - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:08:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23248981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m1ngis/pseuds/m1ngis
Summary: i’m falling, back to where i started.in which jisung goes back to square one.slight trigger warning.title inspired by falling by james lee and kevin woo..stream it
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Kudos: 13





	falling

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i wanted to remind everyone there is a bit of a trigger warning for this. mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, eating disorders, etc. please be safe♡

blank.  
jisung’s mind was blank.  
yet, he couldn’t think straight.  
so many thoughts were spinning around in his mind, it was a tornado and a hurricane and an earthquake but at the same time it was frozen still.  
what was wrong?  
he didn’t know.  
how long had he been in this bed?  
how long ago did he wake up?  
had he even fallen asleep?  
how many more distractions can he use until the time bomb that he is explodes?  
that’s what he was.  
a ticking time bomb  
it was a constant fear of worrying someone with his problems, he couldn’t even tell anyone, the embarrassment was too bad.  
but, what would he do?  
could he deal with this alone?  
he knows the people around him want to help.   
he knows there are answers to his questions.  
but every time he opened his mouth to beg for help, no words came out. his voice disappeared and hid away in his chest.  
the thought of having more than one person’s attention on him while he talked about his mental state nearly brought him to tears.  
not too long ago, he was fine.  
he was great, in fact.  
and now here he was.  
back at square one.  
months without inflicting pain on himself, without his brain telling him “you can do better than that.” or “what’s wrong with you?” and all of the other painful thoughts.  
and now here he was.   
stop it.  
please.  
make it stop.  
when will this end?  
jisung shook his head to try to make the thoughts go away, but they were still there.  
the nagging pain of hunger in his stomach wasn’t enough to make him feel something, anything.  
it wasn’t enough to distract him from his thoughts.  
he sat up, trying to recount what he had eaten in the last day.  
whatever it was, it was too much.   
you can go a little longer.   
it’s not that hard.  
stop it.  
he hadn’t had THESE thoughts in awhile either. he had kept up an eating schedule, even became comfortable with food for awhile. and now here he was.   
maybe one day more?  
it’s not hard.  
just do it.  
jisung stood up quickly to go somewhere other than this blank room, the silent prison he was trapped in.  
maybe stood up a little too fast.  
his head felt warm, the corners of his eyesight was darkening.  
stop it.  
you’re fine.  
don’t draw attention.  
he sat back down until the feeling passed, and walked to the bathroom to fix himself up.  
that is, until he saw himself in the mirror.  
his limbs felt numb, his head pounding with embarrassment about how he looked. he began to shake just from anger at the sight of himself, turned to go back to his room.  
what the fuck was he going to do?  
jisung sat on his bed for a little longer, it could have been minutes, but who knows?  
he finally worked up the courage to walk into the living room, where most of the members were.  
chan greeted him, his warm smile making jisung feel a little more worth it.  
but then, chan patted him on the back. it was a burning, tingling, terrible feeling, it made jisung’s chest feel cold.  
still, he kept a smile to not worry the older boy.  
he walked into his room to change, and headed to the studio to practice his dancing a little extra.  
nobody seemed to notice.  
that was the worst part, jisung had mastered hiding everything that he was invisible.  
he was a ghost to everyone around him.

it started with practicing the song once.  
which turned into two times.  
with turned into five.  
and into ten.  
it kept him distracted.  
that was until he took a break after however many times he ran through the song.  
his head was pounding, his heart was racing, his throat was dry, and he felt sick to his stomach.  
you’re fine.  
keep going, you have to get it right.  
he sat down for a moment to check his phone.  
minho had texted him.  
“where are you?”  
jisung ignored it.  
he didn’t want minho to see him in this state.  
he stood back up and clicked play on the song again.  
his stomach growled again, but he blocked it out with the music.  
he managed to get through most of the song, making his moves as perfect as he possibly could.  
still not perfect enough.  
he became dizzy.  
he couldn’t stop shaking.  
the noise of the music was getting quieter and quieter.  
stop it.  
keep going.  
his limbs became weaker.  
his vision grew dark.  
his consciousness was slipping between his shaking fingertips.  
jisung passed out.

minho walked out of the dorms, going towards the studio.  
jisung hadn’t answered his message, maybe he was practicing.  
after what felt like forever, he finally arrived to hear music playing from inside the practice room.  
minho opened the door, a smile on his face to greet jisung, but was met with a sight he had never wanted to see.  
the younger boy was on the floor.  
minho ran to him, trying to wake him up.  
he said his name, which turned into yelling his name, and tears brimmed his eyes.  
he pulled out his phone and began to call chan.  
“come on, pick up, please!” minho said.  
“hello?”  
“jisung passed out.”  
“what?”  
“jisung passed out, chan. i need you to come to the practice room.”  
“i’m on my way.”  
chan hung up and minho held the younger boy closer.  
suddenly, jisung opened his eyes to meet the older’s, filled with tears. he barely processed what was happening.  
“minho? what are you doing here?”  
the words could barely leave his mouth, jisung remembered how dry his throat was.  
“jisung! are you okay? what happened?”  
minho cried while hugging the younger boy.  
“i’m fine. don’t worry about me.”  
jisung tried to back away, but he ended up melting in minho’s arms.  
“sungie, you aren’t fine.”  
“y-yes i am. i promise”  
jisung tried to pull away from minho, he wanted to get out of this situation.  
anxiety was bubbling up.  
he was terrified.  
the older boy opened his mouth to reply, but the door opened and chan ran in, sitting next to the two.  
“jisung, what happened?”  
“n-nothing, i’m fine.”  
“when was the last time you ate?”  
jisung bit his lip.  
he wanted to lie, and say he ate this morning, but that could make it worse.  
when was the last time he ate, anyway?  
chan and minho took his silence as an answer.  
“come on, let’s get you on the couch. you need to lay down.”  
“what? no. i’m fine.”  
jisung knew it was a lie. he was getting too tired to fight it.  
the two boys helped him up and they slowly walked to the couch. minho held his hand, stroking it every now and then with his thumb to comfort jisung.  
“i’m going to get you some food.”  
chan said, standing up.  
“no, i don’t need it.”  
“jisung, yes you do.”  
chan left the room.  
jisung’s breathing got heavier.  
he couldn’t eat now.  
he was doing so well.  
he couldn’t give up now.  
“baby, what’s wrong?”  
minho begged.  
“nothing’s wrong, i’m fine.”  
“the more you say you’re fine, the less i believe you, jisung. i care about you so much.”  
jisung didn’t know how to respond, he opened his mouth, nothing came out.  
this wasn’t supposed to happen.  
they weren’t supposed to find out.  
“baby.”  
minho said again.  
“i, um,”  
jisung tried to think of what to say.  
chan walked in holding a bag of chips.  
“this is the quickest thing i could get. you at least need something in your body until we get to the dorms.”  
chan held the bag in front of jisung, who was hesitant to take it.  
“please?”  
minho said, which convinced the younger boy to take the bag and slowly open it. he took one out and ate it.  
“happy?”  
he asked, looking at chan and minho.  
“keep eating.”  
chan said.  
“i don’t deserve it.”  
jisung replied quietly.  
“sungie, you deserve so much more.”  
“n-no, minho,”  
“please, jisung.”  
chan chimed in.  
“i-i can’t,”  
jisung’s eyes filled with tears.  
this was too much to handle.  
he felt the panic attack rising in his chest.  
he needed to get out of here.  
“w-why don’t we just go back to the dorms?”  
jisung suggested, trying everything in his power to get out and not breakdown.  
“jisung, what’s happening?”  
“i-“  
he began to talk and he felt the wave of panic rush forward. there was no going back. he burst into tears.  
the two boys hugged him and jisung tried his best to hug back, but he felt like his limbs were getting further and further away from his body.  
they stayed quiet until jisung calmed down.  
“i’m sorry.”  
he squeaked out.  
“for what?”  
minho replied.  
“for worrying you. i didn’t need to do this. i’m fine, really-“  
“jisung. we can see right through you. we know you aren’t fine.”  
chan interrupted.  
“i promise i can get through it. i’ll be fine.”  
“but what if you overwork yourself or something? we can’t lose you.”  
jisung, again, didn’t know how to respond.  
“you guys don’t need me that bad. why don’t you go back to the dorms? i’m going to practice a few more times.”  
jisung tried to stand up, but he was too weak.  
“sung, we aren’t leaving.”  
“why didn’t you tell us about this earlier?”  
chan asked.  
“i, um, i didn’t want to worry you. i’m not worth your time.”  
jisung felt the tears coming again.  
minho hugged him tighter.  
“you are so important to us. i know it’s scary, but we’ll always be here for you. no matter what.”  
“thank you.”  
jisung didn’t know what to do other than hug back, and tears began to leave his eyes.

for once, he wasn’t a ghost.  
he wasn’t invisible.  
he wasn’t hiding.  
jisung felt warm, he felt welcome, he felt loved.


End file.
